OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD: TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE? THAT IS THE QUESTION
May 6th, 2009 | By admin
Check this out. I was talking to Precious last night and she told me that she doesn’t date. Of course I asked her why not. She said that “people date to get their rocks off and my rocks are only for my husband.” So I asked her, “How will you know you want to marry someone if you never date them?” She comes back with a word I heard once in a old movie my moms was watching – courtship.
To Precious, courtship happens when two people get to know each other to see if they’re “compatible” for marriage (sounds like dating to me). But then she says that courtship can only happen when people are old enough, and have the desire to take on the responsibility of marriage. According to her, people our age don’t date to see if they want to marry a person, they date to have someone to hook up with on the regular. Then I said, “Exactly! That’s the whole point!”
When I said that she gave an eye of the storm that was as icy as the ones moms gives. But see, she’s coming at male/female relationships from a totally different place than anybody else I know. I can’t think of a single person who wants to be a virgin until they’re married. These days virginity is not thought of as something good (especially if you’re a dude).
Then Precious quoted a Bible verse that I’d never even heard before. “Don’t you know that wicked people won’t inherit the kingdom of God? Stop deceiving yourselves! People who continue to commit sexual sins, who worship false gods, those who commit adultery, homosexuals, or thieves, those who are greedy or drunk, who use abusive language, or who rob people will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (That’s 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Precious knew it from memory).
Why does she have to go and bring the Bible into it? Of all the women I could’ve fallen for, I had to fall for the one who’s from another planet.
Holla back and tell me what YOU think. And I’m going to see if I can get Precious in on the discussion since she seems to have so much to say about it. Peace!
Great book, the best i have every read and will be the favorites of many more readers and hiphop fans, by the way, THIS WEBSITE IS OFF THE CHAIN.
I think Precious is right. It’s great to know of a teenage girl with such a good head on her shoulders. I hope that more girls have the power and resolve to stand their ground on sensitive subjects like these even if they are met with resistance from guys their age.
ughhhh okayy so i need a little help on this topic right now becausee its hitting pretty close to home! im a christian and the guy is a christian.. im not a virgin but he is! since i deticated my life to God, i promised my self not to do it till marriage and he feels like he doesnt want to do it until marriage. NOW, i understand courtship but i feel like tory how would i know until i try out ( just dating). i even made boundries like daytime dates (if i ever go) && taking his relatives to places.. is that ok???
hey beauty, here’s what i think. boundaries are good. but they’re only as strong as your desire to maintain them. physical intimacy increases as emotional intimacy increases. everyone is wired that way. and that’s how people get themselves into trouble. you start out with one set of boundaries when your emotional connection is new or not that strong. you either start ignoring them or come up with a more lax set of boundaries after you “fall in love” or your emotional connection gets deeper. that’s why courtship is a better choice when you want to “wait” until marriage. with courtship, the end result is marriage (or a decision that a person is not a suitable candidate for marriage so you amicably part ways). with dating the end result is (usually, but not always) sex, a broken heart for one or both people or a relationship history with a person that will remain with you for the rest of your life (even though you marry someone else.
thank you for answering. so i pretty much figure its a no! huh, this is going to be hard but i know i can do it…
beauty, i wouldn’t say it’s a ‘no’ i would just say be smart about how you interact. and realize that we were made to be intimate with the opposite sex. that’s why there is attraction.
make sure that you and he both are in agreement on the boundaries that you set so that you can hold each other accountable. and involving relatives and hanging out in groups is always a smart choice. you learn so more about a person in a group setting. for example: is this person kind? are they insecure around people? do they respect authority? do they have manners? do they tip well? these are the kinds of things you need to know about a person to determine if they are going to be a suitable life partner. when you’re alone with a person all the time, either of you can be whoever you choose to be (and that’s probably not the real you). but marriage is as much a public relationship as it is private, so these are things you definitely need to know.
finally, rather than focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you CAN do to ensure that the two of you accomplish your relationship goals and honor God at the same time.